I think we've all been there.
That place where we feel surrounded by our emotion as far as the eye can see.
Submerged in it.
It is like an ocean.
The good emotions, ones like falling in love, getting your dream job, or hearing the laughter of someone you love... they feel like floating on the surface, you're so light that you move softly with the subtle ebb and flow of the water, your hair floats around you as the sun beams down on your stomach and sends warmth through your whole body.
The bad ones, like heartbreak, sadness and sorrow... they can feel like you are drowning in it. They sink you to depths of the dark ocean floor... a heavy weight upon you, unseen, cold, murky and isolated from the world.
Other emotions, like anger and despair... they feel like we have become the ocean itself, in a vicious storm. Roaring and crashing our waves uncontrollably, vowing to destroy everything in our path with no regard for the after math.
The 'emotion ocean', just like the real one, is both a beautiful and scary place.
Just like we wear life jackets and check weather forecasts to ensure safety in the real ocean, sometimes we need to find ways to safely protect us from over-feeling.
As someone who over-feels, I also over-think.
However, that has lead me to unintentionally find that by reflecting on emotions and the situations that caused them I am able to become more aware and in touch what I am feeling and why.
I have found that often, we're not honest with ourselves about, nor do we properly understand, what we are actually feeling or what lead us there.
We mask our emotions with other emotions.
For example, anger.
Sometimes it's jealousy, or embarrassment, sometimes we feel let down, or sad... defeated, but instead of just facing that ugly emotion we use denial to avoid it and we mask it with an even uglier one.
You are usually angry BECAUSE you are feeling something else.
If we just dealt with that root emotion then maybe the anger would not effect us so much.
Anger, I think, is our most ugly and most damaging!
It is so visible; you can blend in floating on the ocean surface and you are virtually unseen when you've sunk to the ocean floor... but those dangerous crashing waves of anger hardly ever go unnoticed.
It can be felt with such intensity. It clouds our logic and sends us crazy!
Don't lie, you know what I mean.
I like to ask myself 'Why?'
Every time I feel something intensely, no matter what it is, I try to determine what I am really feeling and what has actually caused it.
I ask myself why again, and again,.
Often, by continuously questioning what it is that is causing this emotion layers start to unfold.
And by the time my little internal integration is over I can see the situation with more clarity and therefore can think far more logically.
Sometimes my realisation is simple; I am just in a sensitive mood, I am just tired or hangry.
Other times it is more complicated; I am offended, I am frustrated, or I feel let down and disappointed.
Whatever it may be.
My second little life jacket is one I whip out when my emotions are directed at another person.
Have you ever really disliked a person and people ask why and you have a million reasons but all of them sound so invalid out loud?
I think that is because your reasons are a reflection of you.
There are times, I think, our emotions are because of a fault within ourselves.
We feel a certain way not because of the external stimulant but because of something within us, like an insecurity or a sensitivity.
For example, when you struggle to like your friend's new boyfriend.
A lot of the time it's not that you don't like who he is as a person but more so that you don't like the change of dynamic he's presence in your friend's life brings to your friendship.
Have you ever had an experience where your emotions about a situation or scenario have made you unfairly feel a certain way about someone?
Like for example disliking a girl because she got with your ex.
It's like getting caught in a rip, I guess, because logically you know she has done nothing wrong but you just can't control this illogical emotion towards her.
Once time has passed and the thick foggy wall of emotion slowly clears you realise this girl is actually really nice and by holding onto any angst toward her you have only hurt yourself.
I have experienced that.
It is a bizarre experience to feel, or I guess, realise you are out of control of your own emotions and a little bit cheated by yourself.
I beat myself up about it, I have spent so much time having negative thoughts about really nice people,
I have been hurt, and I have been petty and jealous.
However, all in all, it was a really important and valuable life lesson that I needed to learn.
And it's one I often still reflect on.
These scenarios, and these people, have changed the way my mind works.
Nowadays, if I find myself disliking anyone I question why and why again.
Is it them, or is it me?
Sometimes weather forecasts are wrong, and life jackets get left on shore.
We can't control our emotions but we can become more in touch with them and we can come to understand them more, in turn this helps us to overcome them, be more honest with ourselves and think with clarity whilst in the depths of the murky emotion ocean.
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